Canadian Sex Acts – With Interactive Map
Canadian Sex Acts
With Interactive Map
They are doing some amazing work up there in Canada. However, the real questions are where are they doing it? How many people are doing it? And for how long are they doing it? About a decade ago the Canadians did something progressive, they created the Ministry of Orgasms (MOO). The sole purpose was to track the number of orgasm and sexual experiences of Canadian citizens. We felt very privileged to have been asked to consult on the project with them. Citizens of age, were required to log their sexual experiences on the MOO website.
We developed the Conservation of Orgasms (a.k.a Belle’s Law after the lab assistant that help me test the theory) to increase duration and climax of each sexual experiences. We took the data collected and determined these three things.
One of the first things we determined was “The Sticky Flapjack” has made a comeback. This Canadian Sex act is mostly performed by Millennials in the Alberta, Canada region. However, people over the age of 50 have been starting to lather up the maple syrup and sticking between the sheets.
The next thing we determined was “The Newfoundland Lobster Trap” is a very time consuming Canadian Sex Act. In a related story, Canadian emergency rooms have reported an increase in nipple related injuries.
The best thing we found was “The Montreal Petting Zoo” is still open, but “The Beaver Dam” is where everyone likes to hangout. At least that is what the Zagat’s guide said.
Tune into our podcast were we discus each Canadian Sex Act in detail.
|Canadian Sex Act||Definition|
|The Old King Clancy||“It’s the same as a Sacremento Turtleneck but with maple syrup”|
|The Reverse Rick Moranis||Since Rick Moranis was the star of “Honey I shrunk the kids” a “Reverse Rick Moranis” must involve un-shrinking things. Conclusion: It’s when you take 2 Viagra’s.|
|The Saskatoon Totem Pole||“Ted: My boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody.
Robin: Back home we call that a Saskatoon Totem Pole.”
|The Musty Goaltender||Love making that lasts so long that both of you smell like you just removed goalie pads. If you play, you get it.|
|The Newfoundland Lobster Trap||Robin: “Don’t know. Don’t want to know. Those Newfies are out of control.”|
|The Manitoba Milk Bag||“Okay, it’s like a Chicago Mustache, but the person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit.”|
|The Two-Handed Zamboni||“Let’s just say, the only thing the woman is wearing is skates on her hands.”|
|The Sticky Flapjack||Any sex act that involves maple syrup. But not the sugar free kind.|
|The Squatting Eskimo||Requires a demonstration…|
|The Five-Legged Caribou||Crouching on 4 legs, and the 5th leg is a raging hard-on.|
|The Sneaky Snowplow||“Ted: I just got screwed by my two best friends, and I didn’t even know it.
Lily: In Canada, that’s called a Sneaky Snowplow.”
|The Montreal Meatpie||Again, requires a demonstration…|
|The Full Mountie||When a Canadian has sex with someone from the UK.|
|The Halifax Fudge Badger||theButt|
|The Two Girls, One Stanley Cup||This one is usually combined with The Reverse Rick Moranis.|
|The Frosty Mitten Job||Usually takes place in the Fall or Spring when it is still Frosty outside… but Sizzling in my pants. “Can someone cool this down?”|
|The Montreal Petting Zoo||There is actually no petting zoo in Montreal. It refers to a strip club next to the Beaver Dam.|
|The Salty Prime Minister||When you can only get off while staring at a photo of yourself. Just like Prime Minister Trudeau. In the US, it’s called the “Rusty Trump-Bone.”|
|The Beaver Dam||Girl’s pelt + wood = gnawed up dam.|